She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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