Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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