She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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