She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
