I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
