All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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