Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
