i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well I just put wine in my tea
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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