you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
