uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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