Define "chronic" masturbator.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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