Already got asked if we're dating
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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