Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
