she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
