I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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