and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just blew my weed a kiss
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
