I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
