Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
