Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
