You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
