there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
