Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
