omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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