the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am naked and annoyed.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
