I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
