Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
