i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
