I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
