When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
