Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
