goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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