Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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