Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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