I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
