Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
