Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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