i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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