I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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