Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
