I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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