Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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