My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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