3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
