Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
