THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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