if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
