Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
