I got chris browned last night
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i need some magic done to my vagina
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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