Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
