fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
